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Sometimes when you're not looking he just sneaks up on you. He looks like a
cheap sort of flying saucer about five feet across with a snout-like megaphone
apparatus in the front with two big eyes mounted like Appletons with miniature
motorized frowning chrome eyebrows over them. Along the side of his disc-like
body are several sets of stupid-looking headers and exhaust hoses which
apparently propel him and punctuate his dialogue with horrible smelling smoke
rings. In the middle of his head we can see an airport wind sock and constantly
twirling anemometer. The bottom of him has a landing light and three spoked
wheels. In spite of all this, it is obvious that the way he really gets around
is by being dangled from place to place by a union guy with a dark green shirt
up in the roof who is eating a sandwich (pieces of which drop off every once in
a while and lodge themselves near the hole where they put the oil in that makes
the cheap smoke).
He hovers into view and speaks to us thusly...
Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...it is my responsibility to enforce all the
laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert each
and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday
activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to *The Death
Penalty* (or affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are
full of little creeps like you who do wrong things...and many of them were
driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC!
Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at
large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever!
Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs
so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which, itself, is being modified
in order to accommodate THE FUTURE).
I bring you now a special presentation to show what can happen to you if
you choose a career in MUSIC...*The WHITE ZONE is for loading and
unloading only...if you have to load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE...
you'll love it...it's a way of life...Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...Hi, it's me,
I'm back. This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...The WHITE ZONE is for loading
and unloading only...If yah gotta load, or if yah gotta unload, go to
the WHITE ZONE. You'll love it...it's a way of life. That's right, you'll
love it, it's a way of life, that's right, you'll love it, it's a way of
life, you'll love it. This, is, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER
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