Gaston: Richard White
Lefou: Jesse Corti
CHORUS
GASTON: Who does she think she is?!
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
No one says "no" to Gaston!
LEFOU: Darn right!
GASTON: Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated!
Why, it's more than I can bear.
LEFOU: More beer?
GASTON: What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
LEFOU: Who you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull
yourself together!
LEFOU
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston,
Looking so down in the dumps.
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston,
even when taking your lumps.
There's no man in town as admired as you,
You're everyone's favorite guy.
Everyone's awed and inspired by you,
and it's not very hard to see why!
No one's slick as Gaston,
no one's quick as Gaston,
no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's.
For there's no man in town half as manly,
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley,
and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on.
LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS
No one's been like Gaston,
a kingpin like Gaston,
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston.
GASTON
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LEFOU and BEERDRINKERS
My, what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip hips!"
Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips.
No one fights like Gaston,
Douses lights like Gaston,
BEERDRINKER 1
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston.
THREE BLONDES
For there's no one as burly and brawny.
GASTON
As you see I've got biceps to spare.
LEFOU
Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny,
GASTON
That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair.
BEERDRINKERS
No one hits like Gaston,
OTHER BEERDRINKERS
Matches wits like Gaston,
LEFOU
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston.
GASTON
I'm especially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
ALL
Ten points for Gaston!
GASTON
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
every morning to help me get large.
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
so I'm roughly the size of a barge!
ALL
No one shoots like Gaston,
Makes those beauts like Gaston.
LEFOU
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston.
GASTON
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
GROUP of BEERDRINKERS
Say it again!
ANOTHER GROUP of BEERDRINKERS
Who's a man among men
FIRST GROUP
And let's say it once more.
SECOND GROUP
Who's that hero next door?
ALL
Who's a super success?
Don't you know?
Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on.
There's just one guy in town,
Who's got all of it down!
LEFOU
And his name's
G-A-S-...T...
G-A-S-T-E...
G-A-S-T-O...
Oh!
ALL
Gaston
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