CAL-LIB SONG
or How to Get a Man
Since I was a tiny tot, mama taught me quite a lot
How to look, how to sew and cook
And of course, how to get a man
Mama read the magazine, watch the color TV screen
Each advertiser made her wiser at how to get a man
My mama tell me:
"Don't show too much common sense, I know from experience
Use your head at the stove and bed and you'll surely get a man"
My mama tell me:
"Stay slender like sugar cane, eat no chocolate and no chow mein
False eyelashes and perfume splashes will help you get a man"
Soon I went on my first date, golly but I could not wait
Mama gave me every recipe for how to get a man
My mama tell me:
"Go gargle with Listerine, take a bath in Mr. Clean
Lift your dress up, spray FSD up, That's how to get a man"
Don't you tippy toe down the stairs 'til you clip your nose's
hairs
Shave your armpits and make them charmpits, that's how to get a
man
Cover up with acnomel, store-bought hair made of dynel
Lots of bother, but ask your father, that's how I got a man
Finally, a man I got, he eat and he drink a lot
Got big belly and kind of smelly, but still it is a man
I make for him chocolate cake, half a grapefruit myself I take
He got fatter and I got flatter, but still I got a man
I am tired now of shaving and for chocolate I'm craving
Liberation flag is waving, got to change my plan
I tell my mama:
"You can keep your recipe for your femininity
You may love it, but you may shove it and you may keep that man"
I tell my mama:
When a man for me does fall, he will love me hair and all
He'll admire though I perspire and that will be my man, hey
That will be my man
by Annette Kirk
printed in Here's to the Women
@feminist
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