Greetings?This is the Secretary of War at the State Department of the United
States?We have a problem. The companies want something done about this
sluggish world economic situation?Profits have been running a little thin
lately and we need to stimulate some growth?Now we know there's an alarmingly
high number of young people roaming around in your country with nothing to do
but stir up trouble for the police and damage private property. It doesn't look
like they'll ever get a job?It's about time we did something constructive with
these people?We've got thousands of 'em here too. They're crawling all
over?
The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together?And
start another war?The President? He loves the idea! All those missiles
streaming overhead to and fro?Napalm?People running down the road, skin on
fire?The Soviets seem up for it?The Kremlin's been itching for the real
thing for years. Hell, Afghanistan's no fun?So whadya say??We don't even
have to win this war. We just want to cut down on some of this excess
population?
Now look. Just start up a draft; draft as many of those people as you can. We'll
call up every last youngster we can get our hands on, hand 'em some speed, give
'em an hour or two to learn how to use an automatic rifle and send 'em on their
way?Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland? Or a "moderately
repressive regime" in South America??We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat
story in the Middle East?we need that oil?We had Libya all ready to go and
Colonel Khadafy's hit squad didn't even show up. I tell ya?That man is
unreliable. The Kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did for
that one?
Now just think for a minute?We can make this war so big?so BIG?The more
people we kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper?We can get rid
of practically everybody on your dole queue if we plan this right. Take every
loafer on welfare right off our computer rolls?Now don't worry about
demonstrations?just pump up your drug supply. So many people have hooked
themselves on heroin and amphetamines since we took over, it's just like
Vietnam. We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got too strong. Kept the
war functioning just fine?
It's easy. We've got our college kids so interested in beer they don't even care
if we start manufacturing germ bombs again. Put a nuclear stockpile in their
back yard, they wouldn't even know what it looked like?So how 'bout it?
Look?War is money. The arms manufacturers tell me unless we get our bomb
factories up to full production the whole economy is going to collapse?The
Soviets are in the same boat. We all agree the time has come for the big one, so
whadya say?!??That's excellent. We knew you'd agree?The companies will be
very pleased.
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